Monday, August 31, 2009

Confused? You Won't Be After This Week's Episode Of Dope!

>>Personally I'm far more interested in what a person says & does than what their title is & where they got it from.<<

A line gleaned from a comment by someone called Peter Checkmate, or something, on Michael Child's blog.

Do make your effing mind up, doof!

Darling, no-one cares who you are or what you say. They just like to bash one out over pictures of women that they'd stand a reasonable chance of shagging in real life, albeit that they'd probably need a few beers first!

Sunday, August 30, 2009


Much as I hate jazz (maybe I'm destined to meet a guy called Johnny, and why does that make me think of fish?), I think I'll wiggle along to the Jazz festival this afternoon, on the lawns opposite Churchill's, for a mingle with all the other jazz haters, enjoying a garden party in the Sun.
And I'm led to understand that, at some point, they'll be holding a scat workshop.
I do hope they don't mean that awful German version of scat, where people poo all over eachother!
Of course, it could be the Somerset College of Arts and Technology, teaching people to paint with a soldering iron?

Who can say. Guess I'll just have to go and find out for myself!

Saturday, August 29, 2009

Congratulations, You've Won The Chance To Win A Prize!

Being an escaped Readers Digest non-subscriber, on the run for over a decade now, you can imagine how twitchy it made me feel when I received that, er, promise, from my mobile phone network.

Why on Earth would they do that? To make me feel happy? To give me hope?

Probably not. Even with my newly restored hope and cheer, probably not!

Most likely when I reply, free of charge, my name, number and God knows what personal details will go on the 'SUCKER' list, which then gets sold from pillar to post, among marketing companies.

The very reason that I changed my name to Lucy Mail, moved, opened new bank accounts, framed my family and got them all sent to prison and had my pets put down, to finally escape the clutches of R.D., more than ten years ago!

So no! I'm already overflowing with joy and hope and I don't want your mystery prize, which is, in all likelihood, to try and take that away from me!

Anonym Arse!

Due to the fact that a new precedent has been set, allowing slandered tosspots to glean information about their online antagonists from Google, coupled with the fact that the subject of this post really seems to hate this kind of thing, he shall remain nameless!
How arrogant are people, when they consider their identity to be more important than any point they're trying to make, or any argument that they're trying to present?

Well, I think there's a big clue in the title of this post!

For instance, subject of this post, if you were looking at pictures of naked ladies, would you want to know their surname and social background? No! You'd want to look at their tits and twat, and maybe, if you have it in you, burp your worm.

So why, when considering someone's missive, would you need to know who they are?
Isn't that missing the point, somewhat?
Unless, of course, your plan is to deride them on a personal level, in your complete and utter failure to argue the point that's being made!

I would say that anonymity is one of the keys to the enormous success of Eastcliff Richard's blog. That and his sharp wit and keen insight (albeit often a bit lefty for my tastes, but that's just my anonymous opinion). And I believe that it makes people stick to the point being made. You can't slate someone or dish up the dirt that is often required to send an argument, that you're quite clearly losing, off on a tangent, can you!

It also seems to me that those who do post under their real identities, spend so much time worrying about possible repercussions, personal vanity and how to sell something, that often their posts come across as so much wishy, washy bullshit!

Say it how you see it! Respond to it honestly!
Without identities, rudeness and slander become meaningless!

Unless you're someone of great prominence in society, and I don't mean attention seeking, minor celebrity (shouldn't that be 'cerebrally'? Ed) bellboys, no-one gives a flying fuck who you are!
So, I'd suggest that you stop banging on about that very, very unimportant issue of who you are and make a bloody point for a change!!!

And hey, we all know who you are! ;-)

Friday, August 21, 2009

Mud Slinging, With The Nappies Still Attached.

Would it be cynical of me to propose that the latest rattle slinging match, between two of Thanet's most prominent, pouting, thumb sucking, political babies, may be contrived?
Haven't we seen these smoke-screens before, when a whole other issue needs to be ignored by the 'stender benders (that large slice of the voting public, who like a bit of scandal)?
Seems to me that certain people may be labouring to be conservative with the truth, here!

No doubt it'll all come out in the back-wash.

Thursday, August 20, 2009

Ronny Bigs Up Margate.

Great to hear that Margate is about to be promoted by a convicted criminal.
How appropriate!
And encouraging to note that he'll be performing this feat by demonstrating how to drink lager.
Rumour has it that he'll also be partaking of a stick of rock, though, presumably, it'll be someone else's, as at 80 years of age, it's unlikely to be his own!

Gracious me, I wonder how much HIS soiled bedsheets will be worth, after this extravaganza?

I also wonder if he'll be going home with the standard Margate gift pack? A crutch full of sand, a box of matches, a dodgy carpet deal and a much heightened appreciation of just about anywhere else in the Country!

I'd be interested to know how Tony Bignose (Flob, to his friend) feels about all this, as the work that he does just encourages this type of criminal behaviour!

Thursday, August 13, 2009

Don't Mess With The Yakult.

A recommendation that my mother made to me, while I was playing with my new ouija board, some ten years before the stuff actually made it to the shelves in this country!
Normally I would scoff at such an off-handed statement, but bearing in mind that, at the time, noone had even heard of probiotics, I took it seriously and avoided it.
Though, on reflection, a warning about playing with ouija boards would have been more useful, as I'm now having the hardest time trying to convince my doctor that the voice I keep hearing, of some dead guy called Reg O'Neal, isn't a figment of my imagination.
The quack seems under the impression that it's all down to a dietry imbalance (even though I tend to drink dark and light beers in roughly equal measure), and that I should disregard my mother's advice, in favour of someone's who can't even decide which branch of medicine to specialise in!
When I told him that half the population believed that GP stood for Grand Prix (emphasising the X, of course), he really got quite upset.

Friday, August 07, 2009

Dyke Van Dick.

Chatting to a male friend, in the pub last night, he informed me that there's currently some fella called Dick, with a really dodgy Cockney accent, doing the rounds with a couple of, er, vegetarian ladies putting on a show in the back of his van, called Lose The Lolly. That'll be the show's name, not the van's, BTW.
And if rumours are to be believed, he's not losing lolly at all!

Another case for Trading Standards?

Still, it's nice to see some entertainment coming back to town, albeit only appealing to three quarters of the population!

Thursday, August 06, 2009


Contrary to popular belief, this concept was NOT created by Sky broadcasting, but was, in fact, belched from the minge of The Daily Mail editing department.

Quite how Trading Standards allow them to proffer themselves as a 'news' paper, is beyond me!


It's quite enough, in my opinion, to be stuck on a two hour train journey. But to be surrounded by goggle eyed rag puppets, all cooing and feigning horror at the ridiculous nonsense that some poor tree has had to die to convey to them, makes me positively seeth!

Though on the other hand, a good deal of the great unwashed do seem to lap it up!

Maybe I could boost my own ratings with sensationalist headlines like...

Black Child Killer Roams Our Streets! (story about car tyres)

Scientists Solve Age Old Chinese Mystery. (they've finally managed to make a cup of tea without the aid of someone who isn't a scientist)

Or perhaps I won't.
I'm not sure I really want that type lurking around here!

Saturday, August 01, 2009