Friday, June 30, 2006

It's A Game Of Four Halves Plus Penalties.

But I must say I'm looking forward to The Power Boat Weekend in and around Ramsgate Royal Harbour, tomorrow and Sunday.
Looks to be a fun-packed weekend with entertainment in the shape of a Dianna Ross tribute band, someone(s) called Mental Floss, mini fairground, continental market, Ale tent, lager tent and erm... oh yes, power boat racing!
Let's hope we can show our German cousins a thing or two by lasting at least half a dozen halves before penalties are neccesary!

Wednesday, June 28, 2006

If You Don't Try, You Can't Fail.

Honesty, being the best policy, should really lend TDC to adopting this new slogan.
Yes, they may have gone part way to resolving the Pleasurama Unsightly Site issue by erecting Harris fencing along the promenade to block the view of it (though more likely to stop fly-tippers), but it really isn't the answer, is it?
As for expecting us to belive that the cliff is about to collapse, well, I'm sure that the litigation culture we live in would negate anyone from being allowed within half a mile of it. If it were true, then surely the cost of repairing it would pale in comparison to the potential defence budget they'd have to fork out were someone to fall and twist their ankle if it did collapse.
So maybe a bit of bullshit on their behalf? Wouldn't be the first time.
Personally, I've a feeling they're try to acclimatise people to losing the view in lieu of the building project that would have a similar effect.

If it were ever to happen!

Oh dear, I seem to have got out of the wrong side of bed this morning. I do wish the council would leave wider gaps between the slats on the back of their benches!

Tuesday, June 27, 2006

Taking The Heat Off The Fire Brigade.

After many years of research and a little bit of unavoidable cruelty (in order to be kind), I've finally managed to breed the answer to the old 'cat stuck up a tree' problem.
This wonderful little creature is not only able to chase the cat back down and de-flea itself but can also surprise passers-by with ariel bombardments that beggar belief.
He lends a whole new perspective to 'The Barkers Nest'!

Monday, June 26, 2006

Getting Turned On.

After a little deliberation and some rather beastly comments, I thought I'd change my picture yet again.
Well, noone likes to see people getting out of control, do they?

Webblogs Wobble But They Don't Fall Down?

Lovely to see Eastcliff (Ian Brady) Richard back in the seat and, this time, apparently taking no prisoners.
Never thought I'd hear myself say this but I'm starting to feel a bit sorry for the inventor of rapier wit, the aeroplane, blogging, newscasting and demure self effacement, Dr SMoores.
As the poor chap, himself, points out in his own defence, he spends six hours a day flying so how can he possibly be expected to come up with anything of note whilst dog tired with his nerves in tatters?
He'll end up going loopy (if he doesn't do that three times a day already, because it's ever so easy for an expert pilot), if people keep on.
So, I'd like to extend the hand of friendship to the good doctor and welcome him to visit this blog as often as he likes.
Just one request though. Please don't feel that you have to post anything if you're still tired and irritable after a long day of hard banking!

Sunday, June 25, 2006

The Purrfect Pussy.

A friend of mine, who is also a professional photographer, took a few snaps of my little darling Crouching Tiddles the other day.
As I'm always delighted to show the old fella off, here he is having a little graze on the window sill.
Cute, isn't he.

Preposteriorus Proposal.

Being the gullible fool that I am, when a friend told me that the whole idea of this 'Dancing in the Moonlight' gig was about everyone baring their bums and dancing to the reflected light of said botties, I believed her.
Imagine my surprise (and annoyance at ruining a perfectly good pair of jeans) when this turned out to be patently untrue. Not that there was going to be much chance of dancing, anyway, as the choice of 'music' turned out to be jazz so people had to content themselves with a bit of foot tapping and marvelling at the downright cleverness of it all, instead.
Having said that and in testament to the indomitable English spirit, the atmosphere was good and people seemed to be having a great time, myself included (even though I was a little chilly around the bike park area)!
Quite by accident, I came across a tub of Gadds' Summer Ale being offered up for free to all Eastcliff residents. Hurrah!!! Unfortunately, all 5 of their plastic glasses had been issued out which lent a bit of an awkward angle to the distribution of said freebie. After a quick debate I decided to swallow my words and drink my hat.
As they say, 'there's no such thing as a free launch!'

Looking forward to the next one, though I may take my Walkman, my 'complete works of Barry Manilow' and a bucket with me!

Saturday, June 24, 2006

Feeling A Right Tit.

Apparently, it seems, the image that I've chosen to portray myself is in bad taste.
Bearing this in mind, and not wanting to alarm small children, I've decided to change it for something more tasteful (if slightly less accurate).

This is not, after all, a porn site!

TDC Deaf Star Sighted, Hovering Over Thanets North Pole.

A questionable rumour has been circulating in certain circles of late!
It seems that TDC are going to pull out all the stops to get Margate back on the map.
One or two ideas have already been purloined by the top secret (until now) organisation, The Ramsgate Amateur Spy Training Association (RASTA).

1. Arlington House to be handed over to local businessman, Sir James Good'un, who will be lending a less conspicuous look to the 'work of architectural genius' by reducing it in size, somewhat. The work, when started, is expected to be completed in about 12 hours.

2. Winter Gardens to be renamed Summer Allotments and to become holiday home for local vegetables during the 'busy' season, allowing tourists to enjoy the seafront without being hindered.

3. New pier to be built. Taking into account the technical difficulties experienced with the last pier, the new pier will run from the main beach to the clock tower, thus avoiding problems with salt water corrosion. No adverse traffic problems (other than those currently in force) are expected in conjunction with this project.

4. Large gold tooth to be erected on site of 'local businessmans' former restructuring project, pending planning permission.

5. Seagulls to be rounded up and relocated to south side of the island.

May I be the first to wish them good luck and Godspeed with this ambitious undertaking.

Friday, June 23, 2006

Bog Standard Technology.

Whilst trying to sort out a glitch on my computer today, I came across this very useful page in my manual and thought I'd share.
It certainly cleared up a few issues for me!

Thursday, June 22, 2006

Ramsgate Dickout Festival.

Just got back from Broadstairs and am suitably impressed with the wonderful costumes, of Dickensian bent, being worn all around town. What a lovely idea!
I suggest that we have our own festival in Ramsgate along the same lines. Obviously, as the great man only ever came here to empty his poo bucket, we wouldn't be able to call it a Dickins Festival so how about a Dickout Festival?
Who knows, in years to come we may be able to merge the two and have a Shake It All About Festival.
From small acorns (and I'll bet there will be a few at our event) mighty oak trees grow!

Return Of The King.

I hear through the grapevine, well a bottle of wine actually, that the master of mirth, Eastcliff (Frodo Baggins) Richard, is returning to our sunny chores today.
I'd certainly like to attend the ticker-tape parade and soak up some of the inevitable elation with the throng but unfortunately I'm having a new shim fitted today, so won't be mobile for a bit.
Will be drinking a toast, and maybe eating a coffee, later though!

Wednesday, June 21, 2006

Nova Kosher.

I was interrogated by a Scottish gentleman, who wasn't prepared to share the road, on a bicycle today.
"Did you realise there was a bicycle behind you?", he asked.
"No, after spending the last half mile stuck behind you, I'd completely eradicated you from my mind", I thought.
Being as brief as these fleeting encounters allow, I managed "Yes, eventually!"

Maybe I'd be better suited to driving a taxi.

Talking Balls.

Apologies to all those that have little interest in footie but I seem to be getting swept away with all the international excitement of it all. It's got so bad that I even had a dream about a romantic encounter with Wayne Rooney last night.

Well, I ask you, who wears their glasses to bed?

From Pillock To Post.

Good to see our lads aiming at the Swedish players, rather than the goal last night.
A win would've meant playing Germany next but a draw was good enough to win the group for us, so, a draw it was.
Will we be celebrating the 40th aniversary of the last time we won the World War Cup with an epic battle in the final mit Der Farterland?
Dammit, I'm going to start drinking Coca Cola!

Tuesday, June 20, 2006

Der Deutche Botschafter.

Good to see Germany prevailing in The World War Cup.
No doubt our fine lads will be seeing to them soon enough!
A fair few generations of bitter resentment are at stake here, so I'm hoping for an interesting game!

Teeny, Meany, Minor, ASBO.

Walking home from a lovely evening out with friends last night, I made the dubious choice of taking a shortcut along King Street.
If Ramsgate is, as it has been named in the past, Little London then King Street would, perhaps, be better named Little Newington.
Alarming enough, all the derelict shops and buildings. Scary, the fact that a lot of them seem to be inhabited. Absolutely horrifying, what they appear to be inhabited by!
Surely I'm not the only one that feels the temperature drop by 10 degrees during the passage, the hair stand up on the back of my neck and the regret that I didn't bring my own flick-knife?
Feral children are a daunting enough prospect at the best of times but when a good portion of them appear to be in their 30's, 40's and 50's, well, it's a bit much!
With a bit of bricking up and a few tubes of silicon, however, I do think the whole thing would make a lovely moat.

Monday, June 19, 2006

The Black And Blue Menstrual Show.

As if having an egg sized lump on my forehead isn't enough.

Now this!!!

It does make me wonder, with more than just a little trepidation, what's going to happen next.

I already feel like a Klingon, fresh from battle with a dirty fighter.

Think I may pull a sicky today!

Sunday, June 18, 2006

Wine, Women and Thong.

Three things, in my experience, that do not mix at all well.
I really must make a point of going 'commando', in future, if I'm gonna crack open that second bottle!
Bloody things are like bolas when inexpertly operated.
Lord knows how I'm going to explain the big bruise on my forehead at work tomorrow?

Hanging Out With The Bloggers.

Just in case anyone is curious at all, I thought I'd publish a picture of myself all dressed up for a night on the town.

Doors Closing...Going Down...................Proverb!

After getting over the initial shock of discovering that the Eastcliff Lift is finally open, I thought I'd save my little legs and hitch a lift to the seafront.
It seems that the Universal Translator has been patched up to the point where some of the running commentary is now intelligible, even if it is stating the bleedin' obvious!
I wasn't too sure what was going to greet me when the craft touched down, maybe someone banging on about 'throwing stones in glass houses'. Turned out to be an empty Fanta can and a few chips.
Not sure that I get the council's sense of humour sometimes but if they do decide to change the dialogue to a more appropriate 'Doors closing...Going down.............Pile of discarded crap!', let's hope it doesn't put the lift out of action until the August bank holiday!

Tuesday, June 06, 2006

All the sixes clickety, clickety, click

Devils' bingo day seems to have gone by very surreptitiously, so far.
I've got my money on the last sixth of it being the rotten bit.
That will, of course, cover pub 'chucking out time'. As if that isn't a bad enough thing in itself!

Monday, June 05, 2006

Well Balanced Sex.

Heard on the radio today (so it must be true, if inaccurate) that around 50% of adult males, in England, are single.
The problem, it appears, is sexual equality.
As women have steered away from traditional roles, men have steered away from employing the services of someone that only does the stuff that they can do for themselves. The use of machines for these 'other' services, being the preferred option.
Obviously, there's still one or two things that require a coming together of forces but those things, as I have, myself, discovered, only really nip a minute or two out of your day.
A wag was reported to have commented "Well, women have priced themselves out of the market, haven't they".

Had I been there, I think I may well have knocked his loose change out of his hand!

Sunday, June 04, 2006

Time Squared.

I turned up stupidly late for the lunchtime session today.
Somehow my bedside clock got knocked about during the night and ended up upside down.
A freak of nature was not to blame. Apparently it was my fault for buying a square, analogue clock in the first place.
Shopping in Argos seems so easy but it's worth reading between the lines of the small print!

Twisted Space.

Did we experience some kind of rip in the fabric of space/time this morning?
I awoke at 3-30 to find the room ablaze with bright sunshine.
Did the planet wobble a little bit, last night?