Thrombosis Man, c*nt.

Having deliberated further over this anti-hero idea, I can see how it may be applied to our fair island, uncovering the truth about how Thanet society really works.
So I've compiled a list of our very own anti-heroes, in the hope that they could be used in the making of a mega-blockbuster movie, which would put Thanet on the map and, hopefully, persuade the rest of the World that autonomy would really be the way forward for us!

If it works, I'd like to choose the colours for our flag. And it would be nice to finally see something flapping from our restored flagpole by the Eastcliff Lift, other than a herring gull.

So then,

1. Team Subterfuge. Full of South Eastern promise, this squad of miscreants operates under the guise of councillors for the people, but would probably be better off opening a zoo, if only we could get them to admit to having collected enough monkeys (in brown envelopes), over the years.

2. Robbing Hood Boy. Looking much like any other member of his tribe, Robbing Hood is the master of pulling the wool over his own eyes. Able to go anywhere, incognito, and do as he pleases, without thought for anyone, including himself, this one really makes a mockery of big brother (not the popular TV programme. That takes care of itself in that respect).

3. Free Coffee Drinking, Fat Bobby. Often found lurking in Harbour Street, offering the great public service of thwarting the plans of any criminal desperate enough to try and drive into the pedestrianised precinct during the hours of 9 to 5, his only weakness being his inability to give hot pursuit if anyone moves away from him at any speed that exceeds walking pace.

4. The Dog Trainer. Seen around and about town, attempting to teach the dog to do backward summersaults by yanking as hard as possible on it's lead. Other tricks include getting it to fall over sideways by kicking it, making kindling wood for the old folk by clamping it's mouth to a tree branch while beating it with a stick and, of course, providing employment for Council road sweepers.

5. Cycle Path Boy. Being those helpful young souls that like to park their bikes on their sides, across shop doorways. Presumably they get some kick out of having their wheels bent, when you have to walk across their spokes to gain access to said shops.

6. Spare Fag Person. Though in truth, this one will attempt to ponce anything it thinks it needs, being entirely unaware of the existence of money or how to procure it. The reply "I'm sorry, I don't have a spare anything" simply falls upon deaf ears and is often responded to with "have you got a spare rizla, then?" or some such thing. There's not much use in trying to enlighten them by pointing out the proper procedure for these things, getting a job, earning money etc. as this would be way, way beyond their purview.


I won't pretend for a moment that this is the definitive list, rather just a handful of our local anti-heroes. If anyone would care to add to it, please feel free.